When I told my girls my plans for shaving my head, they wanted me to get a mohawk. I was all for it, since when else would I have a reason to be so ballsy and crazy with my hair at this stage in my life?
Getting the mohawk was much more liberating than I expected. I felt strangely empowered. THIS, I could control. I have not shed one single tear. Sure, I'd rather have my hair and no cancer but I'm way too far past that point. The wind makes my scalp tingle in a really weird and tickly way. Water in the shower has a similar effect. I really dig it.
I've definitely gotten weird looks. I'm sure people can't decide if I'm sick or a freak or what. I certainly don't want to be made fun of but quite honestly, I couldn't give two shits if they do. I tend to avoid eye contact in crowds so I've been blissfully ignorant.
Friends, family and coworkers that have seen me or my pics have been enormously supportive and as huge as that is - I really did this for my girls. End of story. I did it to show them that I'm a cool mom but also that I'm strong and won't let this hair thing freak me out or dampen my spirit. Cancer is a bitch, but so am I. They love it.
I've had strangers ask if I lost a bet, tell me "cool mohawk!" and even pull the I'm-pretending-to-stretch-in-my-chair-but-I'm-really-turning-around-to-gawk-at-you move. (I called the guy out on the last one. I pointed to my head and smiled.) I think that Hannah is sensitive to people staring at me and is fiercely defensive of me but I've explained that it's okay. I'm not worried. I'm taking it in stride and she can, too.
My hair continues to fall out like crazy. It's on my pillow, all over my shirts, towels, etc. It makes me nuts. I shower with a wookie every day still. I'm also the proud owner of a pretty bald spot. It doesn't upset me; it makes me laugh. I normally have a shit-ton of hair but now I have a bald spot? What. The. Fuck.
I plan on sporting the mohawk to chemo tomorrow - mostly because I feel like it's almost like a rite of passage. I'm no longer the "young" one with a full head of hair. I'm officially part of the fighting elite now. Once I get home, Matt has offered to take on the dubious honor of buzzing the last remnants of my hair off. I cannot wait. It'll be heavenly. No, really.
By the way, for you curious types, yes, it's falling out everywhere. Some areas are more obvious than others. My hair on my head is pretty obvious, of course. My eyebrows and eyelashes appear to be pretty normal right now, fortunately. My arm and leg hair is thinning out. My armpits are nearly completely smooth; however, I continue to shave daily only because I've done it for the better part of 30 years and it seems odd to stop.
Yes, THAT hair is falling out, too. It makes for a special bathroom experience. Don't roll those eyes at me. You know you've been wondering!
Hats and scarves are convenient but I'd really rather just wear nothing. It's far more comfortable overall. When I do wear a scarf, I look like my Bubbie. Not a bad thing!
On this final evening of mohawk-dom, I can relish in the fact that the girls will have a story to share with their children someday. "Grandma had a mohawk. She was cool as shit."
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