Chemo Treatment #3

Happy Thursday!

Today was my third chemo treatment. My appointment was at 10:30 and the waiting room was absolutely packed. After 30 minutes, I went up to the desk and asked, "Are things running slowly today or was I forgotten, maybe?" The receptionist (someone I've never dealt with) said in a snarky, slightly annoyed voice, "It's every day. EVERY DAY." MMMkay. Lighten up, Francis. I went back to my seat and waited another 15 minutes before I was called back. The general chaos and noise and number of people in there were unnerving to me. Even the big ass goldfish in the tank seemed to be saying, "shut the fuck up - all y'all!" with their big-eyed stares. I needed calmness and serenity and clearly would not find it out there today.

Once I got called back, I had the obligatory weigh-in and vitals checked. I had gained a pound. It's only a pound but I still shook my fist and said "CURSES!" Yes, really. The nurse was totally on my side and said, "I know. It lies. Lies all the time." I liked this chick. She told me that she was going to be my nurse for today's treatment. WHAT?? Where's Lilli??? Matt and I exchanged, "No!" looks. This nurse's name was Sarah and she walked me back to room 12 - which was a large corner room that had to be accessed via another room. Kinda awkward.

Sarah was a funny nurse and while she doesn't replace my Lilli, she's an excellent stand-in. We joked about the show that my neighbors were watching about the lions in the Serengheti that kill cheetas not for food, but for sport. Damn show offs.

I didn't have my dance fever legs today until towards the very end of the Benny in a Bag portion of the show. She explained that the normal infusion time is 10-15 minutes, but if it's drawn out to 20-15 minutes instead, that effect seems to be lessened. It really helped. Duly noted! I also wasn't quite as stoned for as long but yeah... Dazed and slurred for sure! I fell asleep to the point where I was dreaming during the chemo portion. When the alarm went off to say that it was empty, it scared the shit out of me and I snapped awake.

Once the chemo infusion itself got started, Matt and I talked about my hair. I have been told all along that it will start to fall out around weeks 2/3. This is week 3. The follicles have started to open up and my hair is basically just laying in there. If I run my hand through my hair, I can pull it back out with a good 10-20 strands. I've been trying to salvage it by washing my hair every other day (and quite frankly, it looks better on day 2 usually anyway), but I'm a little nervous about what's going to come out tomorrow when I wash it. I'll be gentle, but let's face it. It's a losing battle.

Given this shedding situation, I reached out to my most favorite hair dude, Brian, and told him that the time had come. I have an appointment on Saturday afternoon for my official shaving. I'm not really nervous at this point, but am certainly less than thrilled. I do want to get it over with. Maddie and Hannah will be with me but Matt won't be. He has to work an all-day show and won't be able to escape. It's okay - we'll take video and pics and will stop out to see him. It's an alternative rock festival/radio show, so I'm pretty sure there will be bigger freaky deaky people there than me. Hardly the Moody Blues set. I know it'll be oddly empowering. THIS, I have control of and no one can take that from me. The girls want me to rock the 'hawk. I am very seriously considering sporting one until it all actually falls out. This is the time for a little personal rebel yell, is it not??

Right now, I'm not sleepy at all but I still feel some mild residual Benny buzz. I'm not slurring or fighting to stay awake or anything. I did ask the nurse about my all-nighter last week and she did confirm that it's from the steroid. Yay for me. She also told me that within the next two sessions or so, they'll begin to reduce the amount that they give me. That original push was just to get me through the first few weeks and as long as I'm tolerating things well, they can begin to back off of it. Woo hoo! No more desires to eat EVERYTHING. Seriously. I'm nearly at a tree bark phase. Birch, anyone?

I am not one of those productive people that will get up in the middle of the night and do laundry or pay bills or bake pies. (Translation - WAY too lazy for that.) I'll lay in bed and toss and turn. I did download a couple of books to entertain me. One was from a vampire porn series that I really dig. (Hey, don't judge. It's good stuff!) The other was the first book of the Shades of Grey series. I've heard that it's equally as naughty. Yeehaw!!! Anyway - back to the story.

I know that I can begin to expect some muscle/joint pains with this treatment. I haven't had the stiff neck since the first treatment, which is good. It's all a pain in the ass - I don't need a pain in the neck too. (Yeah, that was lame. You can laugh out of embarrassment for me.) I'm going to hop on the ellipical shortly to help keep my legs calm when I go to bed. Matt and I walked about 1.5 miles last Thursday but we had basketball and college night so we didn't get home until nearly 8:30.

Many of you have commented to me about this blog and it's so very helpful. You all know I'm a terrible (or awesome? your call...) attention whore, but this is much bigger than that. It's a true outlet for me. Share it with your friends, your family, your coworkers. I don't mind. I try to make things funny but it's real and I don't tend to sugar coat. I've had trouble finding a good balance on the internet. People are quick to discuss the horror stories OR over-glamorize it. I needed real. Feel free to comment if you'd like. I enjoy reading the comments (cough, cough, Cindy R on sleeping pills... cough cough). Haha.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for being so encouraging. You people are the shit.

Ciao...