Next Stop - Mastectomy

Happy Monday!
Not too much has happened since my last post.  I continued to stay pretty queasy and refluxy through last Thursday, which was a full week after chemo.  I felt pretty normal on Friday and the funkiness had largely subsided.  I had lost about 5 lbs between throwing up and having really no appetite.  (I've since gained back a few, but who's counting?)  Interestingly, the fatigue hasn't been nearly as pronounced on FAC as it was on Taxol.  I'm tired, but in a normal way - not in an I-just-slammed-into-the-wall kind of way.  I really believe that overall, Taxol was much harder on me than FAC has been.  Sure, it packs quite a powerful punch, but I have less side effects as a whole.  Weird...

My head is now sporting very fine, very soft, white peach fuzz.  At this point, I don't care if it's purple.  I'd just like a little ground cover so I don't have to worry about hats, bandanas and wigs to avoid burning my noggin (And getting the "poor you" looks. Puke).  I'm down to about 10 hairs on each eyebrow and not much more than that on my eyelashes.  I don't want to lose them, but eh... At this point, it's just one more thing to add to the list.  No biggie.  I know it's temporary and I know it's crazy, but I just don't really care that much.  I pissed my vanity out the window months ago.

I saw my surgeon, Dr. Rourke, today.  She's great.  No nonsense, to the point, funny and kind.  Barring any delays with chemo, I'll have a month-long break for my body to recover and then I'll have my mastectomy surgery.  Right now, it's looking like that magic date is September 17th.  It should take about 3 weeks or so for me to recover and then I'll start radiation after that.  I won't have my reconstruction surgery for at least 6 months after the mastectomy.  This puts me into the early part of next year.

She did tell me that I do have another option; that I may not necessarily have to have my "good" breast removed at the same time.  I could have it removed during the reconstruction surgery and skip the expander portion altogether.  She said that's when they have seen funky infections on the good side crop up and throw the whole schedule out of whack. She said it's a bit like Murphy's Law.  Mess with something that doesn't need to be messed with and inevitably, something will go wrong.  She told me that Mr. Gordley (the plastic surgeon) doesn't always agree with that approach, so we'll have to see what he says.  I meet him on August 1st to go over the nitty gritty and then I'll meet with Dr. Rourke again to finalize the surgery.

She asked me what size I wanted to be afterwards.  Quite honestly, I'm fine with the size that I am now.  I definitely don't want to be any bigger, but I really don't want to be any smaller, either.  I'm currently a D/DD.  She laughed and said, "You do realize that with normal breasts, they tend to sag and hang over time and that implants are firm and tend to sit up where they belong, so if you went with a D/DD, it would be a force to reckon with!"  I laughed.  No way do I want cleavage up to my chin.  Not cute.  Ever.  Her recommendation was to consider a full C so that I could stay where I am now - at least visually.   Seems strange to go smaller to appear to be the same size but I do get it.  Pam Anderson, I am not.  Ew.  Since I could be going to a smaller size, the "wait until reconstruction for the good side" approach may not work, but again, we'll see what Dr.  Gordley says.

For the last 4 months, I've resigned myself to the fact that I didn't feel sick but that chemo was making me feel shitty so that it could kill the cancer.  It's a hard concept to wrap my head around.  Once chemo is done, though, I'm in full recovery mode.  I like that.  By all accounts, chemo is the hardest part and I'm almost done.  Sure, it will suck to have body parts cut off, but let's face it... Boobs are just the Christmas ornaments on this tree.  They're baubles that are pretty to look at but really useless otherwise.   I don't have to relearn how to function with fake ones.  I don't have to be on a transplant list.  Most importantly, I don't have to die.  Easy breezy to me.  Take 'em.

I've realized that my last several posts have been pretty bland.  I haven't had much color commentary.  Perhaps chemo is making me boring? Oy.  Bear with me.  I'll be funny again one day.  I promise.

Thanks for checking in on me and being so supportive.  It really does keep me strong and helps me fight that much harder.  Germ-free hugs all around!

xoxo