Happy Tuesday to me!

It's been quite a week...  The last time I wrote, I was feeling great.  That greatness lasted for about a week.  I was in a terrific mood, had energy and didn't feel like a cancer victim.  Unfortunately, that euphoria was short lived, and the fatigue reared it's ugly head again.  I haven't been as tired as I was on Taxol, but it's still just an overall tiredness.  I still don't sleep well at night - but mostly because of awful night sweats.  I sweat out of places that I didn't realize I could. Ew.

My hands have definitely improved, but they still get tired and I still drop things all the time.  They're not sore like they were, which is wonderful.  My fingernails are now a lovely orangish shade.  I look like I've smoked 6 packs a day for the last 20 years.  I can deal with ugly fingernails, though - especially since they don't hurt like they did.  Woo hoo!

A few days ago, Matt and I had gone to the mall.  We made our purchase and left the counter.  As we walked away, someone yelled after me.  I assumed it was the saleswoman that waited on us, but it was another saleswoman.  She asked me if she could offer me some encouragement.  I really thought she was going to show me a breast cancer/pink piece of jewelry or something, but she stopped and told me that she was a 27-year cancer survivor.  She asked if I was currently going through chemo and wished me well.  She asked me my name and told me that she and her husband were praying people and that they'd pray for me.  She said that she wouldn't forget my face.  It took all I had not to cry.  I hugged her a couple of times, too. I was very humbled and pretty touched that a virtual stranger came up to me out of the blue like that.  I had on a pink bandana that day.  Clearly, I don't have hair, but she sure had one lucky guess.  She did joke a bit about gaining weight on chemo.  I told her that steroids were kicking my butt.  She laughed and said, "I'm fat, but I'm healthy.  I'm a healthy fat."  Ha... She was a sweet woman and she totally made my day.

I had my visit with Dr. Nelson today.  I don't have chemo until Thursday, but because of the holiday tomorrow, my schedule had to be juggled a bit.  I've been gaining weight slowly and steadily but today broke my heart.  I officially weigh as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant with Maddie.  I gained 45 lbs with her, too.  (I'm SURE I've mentioned this before...) Ugh. This is the biggest I've ever been.  Yes, I know it will eventually come off, but it's not fun now.  Matt and I went to a movie the other day and for the first time (not pregnant), I couldn't fit my purse in the seat with me - as much as I tried!  Those damn seats must have shrunk.  Anyway - I digress...

Dr. Nelson and I discussed how I did the past few weeks.  I told him that I really do feel better than I expected to.  We talked about my crazy restless legs and he suggested that I only take the Compazine when needed rather than every 6 hours for 3 days straight.  I'm going to give it a whirl and see how it goes.  My nausea was pretty mild but nothing compared to my dance fever legs.  Oy.

We moved onto the physical exam part of the appointment.  He felt around and actually looked a bit frustrated.  He said, "I can't actually find the tumor..."  He continued to feel around and had me sit up so that he could try at a different angle.  He said that he didn't know if it was really the tumor or only a gland, but it felt to him as though the tumor had shrunk down to about 1 cm.  I've gone from 6 cm (the main tumor) down to 3 cm and now just 1 cm.  Matt and I both teared up.  This was GREAT news.  Clearly, the chemo is working.  As much as I hate that bastard, it's doing it's job.  He said that sometimes patients will go in for surgery and they'll be told that there is no sign of the tumor; that the cancer is gone.  I hope that's my experience, too!  Overall, he was pleased with my progress.  All of my little ailments pale in comparison to this cancer douchebag going away!

I'll have chemo this Thursday at 7am.  The time is rather early, but I can get it out of the way and over with.  He told me that FAC really isn't accumulative, so what I experienced initially is what I can expect for the next 3 as well.  Woo hoo!  Also great news!  Sure, I felt blah, but not NEARLY as badly as I feared!

When we leave, we always take the stairs down.  As usual, I smelled Half & Half tobacco - which is the kind that my grandfather always smoked in his pipe.  This is also the grandfather that was a surgeon and worked at St. Luke's in Cleveland, Ohio for 40 years.  I feel like he watches over me there.  I couldn't help but grin through teary eyes when we left today.  It was a good visit, indeed.