Telling the Girls

Given the fact that I got this craptastic news in the car and we were well into Louisiana at that point, I clearly had to tell the girls right then and there, which was absolutely not how I envisioned it. While I didn't say any of the trigger words ("cancer", "breast", "positive"), Hannah could hear the concern in my voice and had started to cry in the backseat. Maddie, on the other hand, was oblivious and sound asleep.

I kept my composure for the bulk of the call, but finally my emotions won and my voice broke at the end. Once I hung up, the sobs came. We opted to pull into a gas station to share the news. We woke Maddie up and I through teary eyes and a shaky voice, I told them the news that I had just been given. Matt was silent as his eyes filled up with tears. Hannah put her face into her hands and sobbed. Maddie pulled her blanket up around her face and did the same. It was the single most difficult thing I've ever had to tell my children.

Hannah didn't talk for the next 24 hours. I'm sure she was in shock. Maddie was quiet, but handling it pretty well, all things considered. Once I pulled them aside and explained that I wasn't in any pain and that this wasn't a death certificate that had been handed to me, they were relieved. I also showed them the site of the biopsies and assured them that it wasn't a big deal. I asked if they wanted to feel the lump itself and I got immediate, "um, no thanks!" responses from both. I expected it, but hey - I thought I'd ask if that would help them!

Maddie told me that if she pretended like it wasn't happening, that maybe it would just go away. She hasn't asked many questions but she's been very supportive and loving (as she normally is - but the amped version). Hannah desperately wants to support the cause and contribute in some way. She wanted to walk in the Avon Walk in Houston in mid-April, but participants have to be 16 the day of the walk. Unfortunately, she won't be 16 until July. She'd like to participate in the Komen run in October. This will give her plenty of time to train and fundraise, etc. It'll also give me an opportunity to potentially walk with her.

I'm glad that the girls are a little older, but it breaks my heart that they have to be burdened with this - both now and as they get older since it could heavily impact them genetically.

Cancer just sucks. Period.