Feeling Goooooood, man...

Today is day 9 since my last chemo treatment.  I was told that my blood cells would be at their lowest point ("nadir") between days 7-10.  I have actually felt great the last two days.  I'm  not really sure what that means, but I'm going to go ahead and assume that this is a good sign.  I'm hoping to be on the uphill swing of things until my next treatment in a couple of weeks.  I realize that because the effects are accumulative, I can expect to feel worse each time, but if this last week and a half has been any indication, I've fared pretty well over all.  Sure, I've had the unfun neurological effects, but overall, it's still been better than expected.  I don't want to jinx it, so I'll shut the hell up about that.

Sleep is a huge challenge.  I have the Ambien, but I really don't like taking it.  I haven't had any crazy episodes on it (well, that I remember!), but still.  I can usually sleep fairly soundly until around 4am - regardless of when I fall asleep.  We live near a train so perhaps that's waking me, but geez, man.  This shit gets old.  I'd love to go to bed, fall asleep and then wake up when it's morning.  Period.  None of this tossing and turning and being super cold and sweating my ass off and all that... I don't sleep during the day so that I'm that much more tired at night.  Not sure if that helps, but I'm trying.

I've found that baths - warm, not hot - help, too.  I'm not in there for long and really don't do anything but soak, but I think they just calm my crazy body down.  Matt can't stand the fact that I bring my iPhone in there with me.  iPhones + water aren't typically a good combo.  Since I'm all butterfingery, I'm sure I'll drop it in the water one of these days, but come on.  Not having in the tub is like not taking it to the... well, anywhere.  Ha.  I did get a splash of water in it last night and I could no longer hear people on the phone, but after letting it sit in a bowl of rice overnight, all was good with the world again.  Take THAT, Matt.

I've looked at a lot of pictures of myself the last several days and realize just how much I've transformed in the last few months already.  My eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning more and my little nubs of hair on my hair are falling out, too.  I may get to be a real baldy yet!  My skin is very different still and I rarely wear makeup now.  My face in general is puffier and I just look, well, tired.  Big surprise, I know.  To me, I look unhealthy.  I want to look like the old me and look forward to the new and improved version when this is all over.

I think this whole experience has brought me closer to my girls.  We've always had a strong relationship, but they've really looked out for me and have been nothing but thoughtful and considerate of me at all times.  They know what they can joke about and when they need to be more sensitive to me.  I hate the fact that this may have made them grow up a little faster in some respects but I'm so proud of them and thankful for them.  They're going to visit family next week and I can say that I will really miss them.  They're my little buddies, my comic relief, my comforts.  Matt is wonderful but it's obviously a much different bond.

We've started receiving meals from various friends and we are so appreciative.  Like I've said many times, it's all very humbling.  There are truly good people out there that have no ulterior motive and simply want to be helpful.  That's good stuff right there.  I thank each of you that has helped us from the bottom of my little heart.

So as not to end on a melancholy note, I'll share what I posted on my Facebook page the other day.  I realize that many people that read this are friends of mine there, but in the event that you're not - enjoy.